About Me

My photo
I'm a 45 year old mother of 3 boys. I live in a beautiful old house that needs a lot of TLC with my youngest son and 2 dogs. I am working hard at keeping myself healthy and fit by working out and doing a spot of running. I'm a creative person and am passionate about keeping traditional skills alive. I cook, knit, bake, garden, preserve, read, write and am now learning to spin and quilt. Oh and I sometimes swear.....

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Advice from a pirate

My mother never specifically warned me about staying away from pirates but then that was pre Captain Jack Sparrow *swoons* So when a friend with subversive buccaneer tendencies recently offered me the benefit of his relationship experiences I was a polite girl and listened.  And laughed.  A lot!

To set the scene - I was slightly loaded to the gunwales (2 glasses of wine is all it takes these days) and I'd had a difficult day (trying desperately to justify my first alcoholic intake in weeks here) so when he sent me a simple text asking if I was ok, I kinda went on a wee rant. 

Again to set the scene I'd already had a conversation with a (male) friend who told me that men are the dregs of the human race, programmed by nature to procreate as often as possible with as many as possible and that few mammals mate for life anyway!  I'm sure this was all said with tongue in cheek or least I hope it was!

So when my pirate friend suggested that men are not all shits I had to tell him about the 'kind offers' I'd already had from a couple of said shits. Apparently without a husband to discourage wrong 'uns with ulterior motives I should treat everyone with a degree of suspicion!  Where's the fun in that??

Anyway by this point I was starting to feel the full effects of the wine and suggested I become a teetotal nun.  Apparently being teetotal isn't a great idea (well it felt like it the next morning!) and black clobber and crosses ain't a good look.  Oh and lesbians think like men so that wouldn't be an option for me either.

His parting advice was to forget any male involvement for a good 6 months and enrol on a wine appreciation course!

Now if you've worked out who my agony uncle is you'll realise that I've cleaned up a lot of his advice and actually haven't mentioned the rest of it!!!  But on a serious note, it's good to get a man's view on stuff.  I'm not turning into a raging man hating feminist. Au contraire. I read Men are from Mars when it first came out years ago.  Men and women just think differently and that's ok. Vive la difference!

Right now a relationship is the last thing on my mind but if anyone knows of a single Captain Jack lookalike who can cook, reads, loves movies, is handy around the house and can make me laugh, give him my number!

7 comments:

Fiona Rennie said...

Sorry Ali, if I knew a bloke like that I'd keep his number fur masel xx

Davie said...

Fiona, If I did I'd tell my Missus! I think I kinda qualify until the handy about the house bit. I'd rather read the manual.

Anonymous said...

I found one on e-bay for you. He's 95 though. Is that ok? X
Karen d

Tim said...

I don't know about men being dregs, but we ARE programmed by nature to procreate as often as possible with as many as possible. ;-)

Of course most of us choose not to (or aren't allowed to) do this. Deep down though, we all want to.

Subversive Runner said...

Whoever the Pirate was he sounds like a wise and considerate individual.

I wonder if he follows his own advice????

Anonymous said...

I take back my earlier recommendation never to listen to a pirate ...

Men (like women) range across the spectrum from perfect to "wrong uns" - but when you've just come out of a long relationship you've lost the ability to spot which is which. Take a break, enjoy being Ali, and if one comes along who deserves you, grab him with both hands!

Debbie Martin-Consani said...

I read Men Are From Mars - and discovered I was a man!! :-D

xx