Sorry folks this isn't going to be a cheery post. Despite being warned that things would get a lot worse before they got better I actually thought they were wrong. I didn't believe that I could possibly feel any worse than I did a few weeks ago. But I was so wrong.
It's been a very difficult 2 days. I'm back to not eating and not sleeping. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a big black hole and there's no way out. And the scary thing is that I don't care. I'm trying desperately to not to focus on the negatives but they're so fucking big they're consuming me. I want to go to sleep and just not wake up. My head just can't process all the crap that's in there.
The future terrifies me. I can't see how this is going to get better. What do I actually do on a day to day basis? Someone please tell me what to do.
I know this is a horrible post and I'm sorry but I promised myself that I was going to record everything so I could look back and say 'Wow I can't believe I felt like that.' Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. But when?