About Me

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I'm a 45 year old mother of 3 boys. I live in a beautiful old house that needs a lot of TLC with my youngest son and 2 dogs. I am working hard at keeping myself healthy and fit by working out and doing a spot of running. I'm a creative person and am passionate about keeping traditional skills alive. I cook, knit, bake, garden, preserve, read, write and am now learning to spin and quilt. Oh and I sometimes swear.....

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

How do you eat an elephant?

I nearly deleted my last post.  It was written after a weekend of very little sleep and very little food.  At the moment of writing everything seemed overwhelming and I had no idea of how I was going to cope with the spaghetti in my head.  Rationally I know that things will get better (well they couldn't get any fucking worse!) so I wanted to write it down while it was in my head.  I then had a busy morning and didn't check it or my messages until early afternoon.  Wow! I was amazed at the response.  I am so sorry I scared some of you.  It wasn't intentional. 

I will never get tired of saying thank you to all my friends.  You all know I'm a fun runner (but not like Fiona's definition!) and I'm just a hanger on when it comes to the serious stuff.  But I love being around you guys and you've all made me feel a part of the ultra scene.  Your friendship and support is what keeps me going. 

Now to those comments.  All 16 of them! There is some seriously good stuff in there.

Karen D - I definitely shouldn't look too far into the future.  Big mistake trying to figure what's going to happen in a few months, I just don't know.  Cliched I know but I have to take it one day at a time.

John and Fiona - I like the analogy of just thinking ahead to the next checkpoint.  Don't think about getting to the end just focus on the next step.  I like that.

DQ - Just knowing you're thinking about me is more powerful than any words of wisdom x

Bobby - I can't believe we've known each other for over 20 years! That's scary.  I know you know.  And I'm VERY relieved you won't be there to burn out my clutch!!!

Thomas - Exercise definitely helps.  I see Clark my personal torturer twice a week.  He's a brilliant PT and a very good friend (and a nag!) And he lets me punch him ;-)

Anon - I'm not going to shoot you down.  I've had a brush with depression in the recent past and I'm all too aware of its symptoms.  I've done a Mental Health First Aid course in my professional life and would have no difficulty with admitting if I was depressed (BTW please put your name at the bottom of your posts so I know who you are for sure)

Tim - You know that I know I'm an intelligent resourceful woman but sometimes I just want someone else to take the strain for a wee while.  I'm not ashamed to ask for help.  In fact, this afternoon I saw a counsellor.  Message me your phone number and I will phone you sometime!

Geraldine - It means a lot to me that you guys are thinking about me x

Pete - I am definitely gonna claim a big hug from you the next time I see you.  You have been warned!!  I know that it looks like I might be depressed (I'm open to the suggestion) but really I was reacting to something specific. I know I don't have to write it all down online.  I feel absolutely no pressure to write for an audience.  I am writing this for me.  It's a bonus that people are reading it and responding. And if I didn't make it public then I wouldn't have had this amazing support.

Flip - Not inadequate at all. A kind thought means a lot to me.

Lee - I want everyone to know that you are an amazing woman.  You have literally given me back my life.  I am honoured to call you my friend xxxxxxx

Dave - I just don't have the words. I can say anything to you and you tell me like it is.  No sugar coating.  What did I do to deserve you and Lee?  You are MY mentor xxxxxxx

Ali - Thank you for being there.  Looking forward to catching up tomorrow

Kenny - Trying to make sense of stuff in the wee small hours isn't a great idea.  I have seen my GP and I have 2 very good friends who are GPs and they are all keeping an eye on me.  It's natural that my eating and sleeping patterns are disrupted but I have confidence that they'll get back to normal in due course.

So have I reassured you that I'll be ok? I know it won't happen quickly.  It has been pointed out to me on many occasions that I'm not good in situations where I have no control.  This is all out of my control and that's what I'm finding difficult to handle.  But I'm getting professional help with that.  It's illuminating!

So how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time! Bit like how I'm coping with this.

Ali x

5 comments:

Subversive Runner said...

Glad things seem a bit less dark now. Hang in there, Missus.xxx

Peter Duggan said...

You know I collect elephants? Must have close to 100 by now, but the nearest any of them get to edible is the Royal Copenhagen bottle opener (and, no, this isn't some kind of sick metaphorical joke... I honestly collect inedible elephants)! :-)

Peter Duggan said...

PS Re. the spaghetti in your head, remember to take that spaghetto by spaghetto, hope you don't have deal with any spaghi but simply take them spago by spago if you do. All more edible than the elephants, and not making any of this up either! ;-)

allybea said...

LOL Pete!

I collect elephants too. Not got as many as you and haven't added to my collection for a few years. My favourite is a teeny tiny crystal one. So tiny I can't display it or it would get lost

Debbie Martin-Consani said...

Hey honey,
Jeezo. See what happens when I don't read blogs for a couple of days.
I collect elephants. And snowglobes and fridge magnets. What does that say about me.
See you Sunday.
Debs xxx