Life is a rollercoaster

I'm going to quote that annoying Irish guy's song 'Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it.' OMFG that is so true! Just as I think I'm starting to get a handle on things something else comes along and drops me right back down to where I started.  Perhaps even further down.  Someone who's been where I am now said there will be so many downs I have to get through I'll just be hanging on for dear life.

The harsh reality of how I'm going cope financially is frankly scaring the shit out of me.  And I'm all too aware that it's exactly the same for a hell of a lot of people out there.  For the immediate time being I'm staying put in the family home but practically I know that I'm going to have to move at some point.  This is a wonderful house and place to live but it eats money.  And it will be too big for just me and No3 son as No1 son is planning on going to uni next year.

So I've been job hunting.  I'm a primary teacher by profession.  I moved into Support for Learning and recently became one of Scotland's few specialist teachers working with children and teenagers who have school phobia or are school refusers. That's 3 areas I could potentially work in.  I discovered that out of the 186 teaching jobs available in Scotland right now I'm qualified for 1 job.  And that's in Aberdeen!

I'm realistic to know that even if there were available jobs it would take a while to get one.  There are 49 teachers for every vacancy.  That's scary.  There aren't even any temporary jobs. I'm not scared of hard work so if I need to get a job doing something else I will.  It's just I can't think of anything else I could do right now. (And before a certain Battersea based fireman suggests anything it needs to be legal!!)

I've been told that this my blog and I can write what I like but I have to be aware that what I say is being read by people who know us in real life and in blogland.  In my last post I said that I was mourning the life and future I thought I had.  It has been suggested that I sounded complacent about what I thought was my perfect life being taken away from me.  That is absolutely not what I meant.  I knew my life wasn't perfect and I hope I never gave anyone that impression. 

Someone commented on my first post that they were sorry they hadn't seen any signs.  There were no public signs. We were never a dramatic couple with blazing rows and tantrums over stuff. But the signs were there and we ignored them.  In fact, we ignored them for a very long time until literally a few weeks ago we were forced to stop and actually face them head on.  And it was a very unpleasant experience.  I have had to take a very hard look at myself.  It takes two to make a marriage work or cause it to fail.

I hate rollercoasters, always have.  They scare me. I'm not one of life's thrill seekers.  In fact I'm quite dull.  I'm happiest being at home with my family and friends around me.  This rollercoaster I find myself on is truly the scariest thing I've ever done.  I know, I've lived a sheltered life. But as someone said I just need to buckle up and ride the damned thing.